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i need an app that replies “she is not gonna show up tomorrow, sorry she’s like this” when i am drunk and try to ag… https://t.co/LmEqIYUVuc
35 mins ago
this is one of the best signs i’ve ever seen https://t.co/424NiSvMhu
1 hour ago
opened my email this morning and found an order confirmation for a possum calendar i created and bought on cafe pre… https://t.co/zevKREXKYL
2 hours ago
waiting outside a bar for my ex-wife if anyone ever tried to trick you into thinking i am not a fuckin softie
12 hours ago
talked about how much i love my internet friends tonight at this bar, goddamn it, fuck you guys i do love you dumb motherfuckers
14 hours ago
am i in a bad mood or am i just hungry: my story
17 hours ago
the best part about falling asleep in my florida backyard is waking up surrounded by a bunch of animals; the worst… https://t.co/uSQtLPismE
19 hours ago
it is beer o’clock b uddy this fuckin WEEK e e r
20 hours ago

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